With the pre-season friendlies in full swing and the Community Shield just over two weeks away, the footy season is almost upon us…

Continued...

As usual it’ll contain all manner of thrills, spills and hiccups that combine to make the Premier League the most entertaining and exciting football league in the world. But that doesn’t mean it’s perfect – not by a long shot. In fact, when you think about it there are lots of things that would improve the beautiful game - as this wish list for the 2011/12 season proves.

Easier access to tickets – it’s not so long ago that you could rock up to a stadium and buy match tickets on the morning of a game. These days you have to bribe the mate of a bookie who once met a bloke in the pub who reckons he spent a year at primary school with a season ticket holder. And even then it’s likely to be forged. The only other option is to support Bolton or Wolves which, let’s face it, is never going to happen if you are born anywhere other than Bolton or Wolverhampton.

Everton to make a half-decent start – nobody in the Nuts office supports the Toffees, but surely it’s time that Moyes ditched his traditional “Christmas to spring football season”. If the Scotsman can get the team going in August they have every chance of being the surprise package of the league and warm the hearts of every proper footy supporter in the land.

Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal to finish out of the top four – wouldn’t it be fantastic to see Sir Alex eat some humble pie? For Arsene to admit that his team aren’t up to it after all? And for Roman to face the fact that he isn’t the greatest manager since Brian Clough? Sadly, this is about as likely as QPR winning the Champions League – so it must surely be time to create a handicapping system through the scientific method of randomly picking numbers in the pub. Just imagine Man Utd starting on minus 23 because your mate couldn't think of a higher number. Glorious.

A British player to lead the goal-scoring charts – Andy Carroll, Jermain Defoe and Wayne Rooney are the only English players who stand a chance of filling the onion bag on a regular basis. As for the Welsh, Irish and Scots: well, maybe Robbie Keane will have a vintage season and Ryan Giggs will put his troubles behind him with a brace every game. Won't hold our breath though, eh?

Here are some of Andy Carroll’s efforts…

Decent sponsors – anyone know who FXPro are? Or Tombola? Or Autonomy? Or Standard Chartered? How about last year’s favourites like Sbobet (West Ham), F&C Investments (Birmingham) and the catchily-titled ‘0800 247 999 Home Serve’ (West Brom)? Thought not.

International success – England may have somehow climbed near the top of the official Fifa ratings, but let’s face it, every one of the home nations is currently useless against any side more dangerous than Albania. And even that’s likely to be a struggle. Worse, if we did put a British team together there’s every chance we’d still be rubbish. So we need to face facts and change the way we play. Man Utd showed in the Champions League that plucky British spirit only gets you so far – in their case around ten minutes into a game against Barca.

Small pitches – next time you walk past your local park and see a group of boys playing footy, stop to look at how they are effectively being trained to become heavy cavalry; all endurance and bludgeoning. So if you run a local footy team, or know someone who does, why not give the poor lads a chance and turn them into thoroughbreds instead by introducing smaller pitches or five-or six-a-side games. The Spanish did it years ago. Not that it did them much good…