Football Joke
Newcastle United are having big trouble selling tickets for their 'end of season' bash. It turns out people don't like going to parties in February!Newcastle United joke
Newcastle United are having big trouble selling tickets for their ‘end of season’ bash. It turns out people don’t like going to parties in February!Arsenal joke
Q: What is the difference between Arsenal and a cup of tea? A: The tea stays in the cup longer!Arsenal joke
Police have launched an investigation after burglars broke into the Emirates Stadium and cleaned out Arsenal’s trophy room. Officers are looking for someone with a stolen carpet!Football joke
Wayne Rooney's dad was arrested after a betting scam on a Motherwell game. Police apparently became suspicious after hearing somebody had shown an interest in Scottish football!Football joke
A footy supporter arrives at the ground of his team one Saturday to find the place completely empty. He goes to the office and asks an official, “What time does the match start?” “There’s no match today,” replies the woman behind the desk. “But there must be!” argues the fan. “It’s Saturday!” “I’m telling you there’s no match today,” repeats the official. “But there’s always a match on Saturday afternoon!” says the fan, “even if it’s only a reserves game!” “Watch my lips,” shouts the irate woman, “There is no M-A-T-F-C-H today!”Man City joke
The new FIFA 12 demo isn't very realistic. Manchester City's stadium is full, for starters!Football joke
Arsene Wenger’s alarm went off this morning. His wife said, “Wake up dear it’s nine!” His response was, “Oh for f*cks sake I can’t believe they’ve scored again!”David Beckham joke
A journalist is interviewing David Beckham after an LA Galaxy game. "So, David," he says. "There are some ridiculous transfer rumours flying around about you. How do you respond to them?" Beckham sighs and says, "They're not ridiculous transfers, they're tattoos.Arsenal joke
Arsene Wenger is expected to be making many more signings in the near future. Every two weeks at the f**king Job centre.Arsenal joke
There's been outbreak of illness in the Arsenal changing rooms. Almunia, Fabianski and Szczesny aren't worried, because they can't catch anything!Footie joke
What's the difference between a high court judge and a premier league footballer? One's for gagging it in court when the other is caught gagging for it!Arsenal joke
I hear Steven Spielberg is making another movie about a swashbuckling archaeologist who searches for mythical artifacts unseen by humans for many years. It's called Indiana Jones and the Arsenal Trophy Cabinet.Premier League joke
I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. I said I want to live forever, 'sorry' said the fairy 'I can't grant wishes like that' Fine I said 'I want to die when Liverpool win the premiership' - 'Crafty bastard' said the fairyManchester joke
Driving back from a match, a Manchester United fan and a Man City fan have a head on crash. To their amazement, neither is hurt but both cars are totally destroyed. In celebration of their good luck, they agree to put their differences aside from that moment on. The Man City fan goes to his wrangled boot and pulls out a 12-year-old Scotch. "May our differences be put to one side," proclaims the City fan as he hands it to the United boy, who swigs half the bottle. "Will you have a drop yourself?" Asks the United fan.Ryan Giggs joke
Q: Did you hear about the owl who took Ryan Giggs on a date? A: She always said she wanted a twit to woo.Wigan joke
Q: What's the difference between an old bra and Wigan Athletic? A: One has no cups and little support, and the other can be found in a bin outside M&SSepp Blatter joke
Some say that Sepp Blatter's behaviour has crossed the line. But thanks to his refusal to allow the relevant technology, we may never know.West Ham joke
Q. What's the difference between a toolbox and the Premier League? A. There'll still be hammers in the tool box next season.Football tour joke
Three football supporters are in Saudi on holiday and decide to have an alcoholic beverage.The next thing they know the place is raided by the police and they are before a judge.
The first man, a Chelsea supporter says I am brave, please give me 20 lashes but put a pillow on my back. The judge agrees to this.
The second man, a Man Utd fan, says, I am braver, give me 40 lashes but can I have 2 pillows. The judges says yes, I admire your bravery.
